Confused

Yesterday it was fun and cold but I really had a good time. I had a lot of fun riding roller coasters with Jake, DR, and Mark. We ate a lot of cheap expensive food and rode some great rides. The last of which was the beast, speaking of which, while waiting in line Jake and me met these two great little fifth graders who were funny and all around cool. We chatted with them while we waited in line and as they got into ride we asked what their names were and they said that their names were Anthony and Jake. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! Well anyway, that was a great little coincidence and made us feel good, though I do not quite understand why. When we met up with everyone, I was quite exhausted and began to stutter a little, I hate when I do that. People were all around great and I cannot believe how much fun I had.
Some of the seniors want me to give a speech at graduation and the others want a campout. I will do my best.

Happy?

I don't really know what's going on, I think that I could be possibly happy. That is such a scary statement, I really don't want the sky to fall or for the other shoe to drop. Prom is upon us and I am actually excited, I am a condidate for Prom King, and I am not really concerned with winning. Though it wouldn't be bad. I just want everything to work out and I am terrified if it doesn't it would be all of my fault. (Please don't let it be my fault.)

Spring

Spring is finally here and so is the great weather. I am so happy to be able to where sandals and take walks. I just wish that I could actually get up and do something. I have been pretty much bed bound for the last few days due to some unknown ailment. I hope that I can snap out of it soon.

I have decided that since my trip is in three weeks (YAY!) that I cannot afford to go to L'auberge, the Dayton Art Institute, or Prom. Though I would have enjoyed all of these I just can't afford it. I hope that I will be able to get over this disappointment before I graduate, I really don't to harbor this resentment for ever.

I can't wait until I can get some of my room packed away without too many memories getting in the way. I just wish that everything could be done and over with quickly.

I am going for a walk today and tomorrow if the weather holds. I only wish that I could be able to go and do some yardwork, but I just can't get over there to do it. I have no one to blame but myself for all the unhappiness in my life.

It's Here!

Well, today was the last day of school before break. We had the annual Senior/Faculty game and unfortunetly we lost, although our Senior team was on top of their game. Mr. Dement was hilarious as always and everyone seemed to have a great time. I am very glad I went, since this is my senior year, it will be memories like these that will last forever.

I think people think something is wrong with me. Jake, Mrs Gorman, and Lauren all said that I looked as if something was wrong with me. Jake said that was "really depressed" and that he wouldn't talk about anything else until I told him. All I could say was that I felt down, I would have said more but to be honest I don't know why I feel so down. I mean break is finally here and I have time to work on all the things I wanted to. Maybe I am just going through a weird thing, I am sure that I shouldn't be worried. We all experience some sort of thing like this, right?

I forgot the permission slip for the luncheon because I got distracted changing a light bulb.

It is so easy to blame others for our mistakes, but it is only when we decide to take hold of our lives by taking responsibility for our actions.

A New Day?

Well, Springbreak is exactly one day away and I have finished everything that I had to, and yet it doesn't feel like enough. I need this break to figure things out. I am not sure why I feel this way. I guess it is possible that I got to worn out in this last stretch before break but I don't understand why it gets so bad. Maybe that is just life.

I got invited to a luncheon where I will be recognized as an Outstanding Senior. I am really honored, but I just don't feel that I deserve it. There are so many other great candidates they could've picked. I guess I need to take a look at my self and find out if the person I see is a distortion of my anxiety or the true me.

I'm so glad that I believe that winters pass and that the pain of yesterday doesn't always follow you into today.

Goals.

I want to make some small changes to improve the quality of my life. Therefore I have decided to set some small goals and try hard to achieve them. Now I promised myself that i wouldn't get upset if I fail to achieve them all because I feel just deciding to do it is a huge step. So here is what I have so far...
1. organize my room
2. Read a Poem every Wednesday
3. Try something new every week
4. Find time to read more
5. Keep a personal journal
6. Update on-line Journals/blogs
7. Cut some TV from my life
8. Reflect on who I am and who I want to be
9. Improve my quality of life.
10. Get more than 4 hours of sleep a night.

First Day of School

Freshmen suck, the halls are clogged and the lunch line is far too long. The stress from it all is making me MOODY. I think that I have taken on too much and if I don't prioritize I am going to fall HARD. Wish me luck on the rest of the week, if I survive I will write my History paper Saturday and plan out the next month (I gotta go because I have an english assignment due tomorrow and I haven't started yet.